Cash robbed at MTV's video awards ceremony, among other indignities

By Steve Beard

I never thought I would say this, but I have a strange new respect for Justin Timberlake. When he arrived at the podium of MTV's Video Music Awards on Thursday night to accept his Moon Man statuette for Best Male Video he spoke for all of us when he said, "This is a travesty. I demand a recount." The singer further explained, "It is an honor to be in a category with people like Eminem, 50 Cent--people that I admire--John Mayer, as well. But, also my grandfather raised me on Johnny Cash. I'm from Tennessee. I think he deserves this more than any of us in here tonight so I guess in some cool way I share this award with him and he deserves a round of applause."

Nominated in six categories, MTV threw the Man in Black a bone with the Best Cinematography Award for his rendition of Trent Reznor's "Hurt." What a travesty, indeed! At least his banishment from the Grand Ole Opry for kicking in the footlights with his mikestand in 1965 made more sense than the spurning he received at MTV. This only begs the question: How are these winners determined?

Songs and videos are, of course, very subjective pieces of art to judge. But what kind of dimwittedness explains giving Best Video to Missy Elliot? Sure, you can wiggle your rump to Missy Elliot's Jazzercize-rap, but will anyone be listening to it five years from now? Not a chance. While Missy's video features a few segments of unique special effects, it simply cannot be compared to Cash's video in terms of pathos, power, or purpose.

In the "Hurt" video, director Mark Romanek spliced together one of the most vivid and moving visual portraits of Johnny Cash's illustrative career. Never before in the history of music videos has there been such a rattling reminder of youth, aging, and the sometimes agonizing trek through the twilight years. "Mortality is a very unusual topic for this medium," Romanek told Rolling Stone. "But I ascribe most of the power to the Johnny Cash-ness of it all."

The "Hurt" video is art. It is illustrative of the top-rung of its genre. Furthermore, Johnny Cash is an icon, a legend, and an American original--and every performer in that room with any appreciation of history, art, or justice understood that quite clearly. Even the British band Coldplay, one of rock's true class acts, dedicated their performance to him.

Before he was admitted to the hospital a few days before the event for a stomach ailment, there was talk of the 71-year-old Cash attending the awards ceremony. His fans should be gratified that he was spared the injustice of being summarily dismissed in such an inglorious fashion. Of course, it goes without saying that Cash doesn't need MTV's approval. He was cool as Siberian steel before the birth of MTV and he will go to meet his Maker being infinitely more stylish and substantive than MTV has ever been.

Regrettably, so much of the evening fell into the same unforgivable ditch as the snubbing of Cash. Since the pseudo-sappho girls of t.A.T.u. were unavailable, the MTV Lesbian Stunt Coordinator trotted out Britney Spears, Madonna, and Christina Aquilera for a contrived lip-lock photo-op. That was supposed to be the big "gotcha" moment when MTV gives a wedgie to conventional morality--their version of a "teaching moment."

In her VMA performance history, Britney (age 21) has gone from her 2000 striptease, to prancing around stage with a five-foot Burmese python in 2001, to French kissing a cradle-robbing Madonna (age 45) this year. If we wanted to see girls pawing at one another and cavorting on television, we would just wait till next week's episode of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"--at least it has more laughs.

The MTV executives were no doubt gleefully rubbing their hands together and giggling when they had the girls tongue dancing in front of a wedding chapel in an attempt to be so hip, so relevant, and so provocative. Ironically, that scene even had Snoop Dog snickering--and he makes Girls Gone Wild videos!

Although I am quite confident they are unconcerned, I do offer a few suggestions that MTV could incorporate in order to improve future award shows.

1. Remind the presenters and recipients that they do not need to lean over in order to be heard in the microphone. Although this occurs at all award shows, it is worth reminding the presenters that this is not a concert; they do not need to lick the mic. Place a big sign on the podium reading: "DO NOT LEAN. IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A NEANDERTHAL."

2. Do not let Iggy Pop and Outcast hang out backstage with Cheech and Chong. The entire stoned-old-guy thing just looks weird on TV.

3. The Osbourne thing is over. Please don't trot Kelly out in front of audiences to rally the troops.

4. Most importantly, disallow white people from doing the whole "Fizzle My Dizzle" thing--hip hops version of Pig Latin. It is captivatingly irritating.

Just because Cash got robbed, it is only fair to recognize the winners. In addition to winning the Best Video Award, Missy Elliot won Best Hip Hop Video. Beyonce (with Jay-Z) nabbed Best R&B Video and Best Female Video, Eminem justifiably scored with Best Video from a Film, the gothy AFI took home the MTV2 Award, Justin walked with the Moon Man for Pop Video and Best Dance Video and Best Male Video, while 50 Cent banged the gong for Best Rap Video and New Artist of the Year.

Even though I am a huge fan of The Donnas, Good Charlotte, and the White Stripes, who can possibly argue with Coldplay winning Best Group Video? The same could be said of Linkin Park walking away with the Best Rock Video. I was thrilled for the guys in Good Charlotte to have snagged the Viewers Choice Award.

Perhaps my curmudgeon attitude about the whole MTV Video Awards ceremony revolves around the fact that I am an unapologetic straightforward rock and roots music fan. I don't pretend to understand the hip hop culture. For the life of me, I can't figure out what 50 Cent was saying. If he was speaking English, I'll eat my hat. Say what you want about Eminem, at least you can understand who he hates and why he wants to kill them. The prancing about like you stepped in bubblegum and scratching at yourself as if there was an outbreak of crabs seems painful and infantile.

Furthermore, there are too many dead bodies lying around the fringes of the hip hop world. Ironically, even host Chris Rock pointed out that 50 Cents notoriety is not based on his talent and music but rather that he has been shot nine times. Rock fans may vehemently disagree about Van Halen, Creed, or Blink-182, but you don't ever hear of anyone dying because of it.

One of the best lines of the night came from actor Jason Biggs after a painfully lame scripted attempt at trying to use hip hop jargon. In utter helplessness, he finally gave up and said, "I like Coldplay. Coldplay's cool with me." It was his way of saying, Get me off this merry-go-round. I just want the music.

After this seemingly interminably long and aggravating night, I understand what he meant. Strangely enough, I think Johnny Cash did too.

P.S. Get better, Johnny, our prayers are with you.

Steve Beard is the creator of Thunderstruck.org.